This is one sensation that I think we can all attest too. For neurotypicals, it may come as imposter syndrome, you start a new job, something you have never done before, it takes quite some time to get into and learn to do well. Imposter Syndrome kicks in at first, making you feel like you’re out of your depth, you should have chosen a different profession, or worse yet, you don’t belong there. Eventually it goes and you settle in.
It’s that last one that we feel, only it never goes away, even among friends and family it’s still there and still pervasive. It never leaves, it may wane now and again, but it’s claws are in deeper than just our DNA. Personally no matter the situation, I feel like I don’t belong, like I was dropped off at the wrong planet. I’ve worked several jobs over the years, and a couple I actually managed to stay in for several years, but once that “alien” clears it’s throat and start to sing grand opera, it’s time to leave.
The absolutely worse scenario is the social situation. Instead of the usual familiar faces that you have spent time getting used too, now it’s it’s also their partners, maybe it’s other departments too, and there’s you, can’t do small talk, you don’t know anybody that you absolutely don’t have to to function at work, and now it’s the office party, and you already feel like an outsider. I’ve been there a few times, I show my face then leave.
Personally I think it’s the most horrible feeling in the world, feeling like you don’t belong… anywhere. Like the mothership captain thought this looks like a good place. But it’s not a good place.
Or maybe this is my hell. Everyone else is fake and here to torment me for all eternity.