There are plenty of signs, many can be missed or just ignored as a single thing that person does, but put them together, and they do add up quickly, you are possibly autistic too.
Category Archives: The Rest
Autistic Elopement
Often as a child in infant and junior school, I would be so uncomfortable that I would leave school and walk home, on my own, without assistance. I’d just leave, I had to get out of there right now.
I did this many times. My mum would walk me to school, leave me in the hands of a teacher, and as soon as the teacher turned away, I’d be off. Often beating my mum home.
Needless to say I hated school with the passion and intensity of a thousand suns.
I did this throughout my entire schooling. From 5 to 16 years old.
It’s called elopement, or in our case, autistic elopement. Because we are so uncomfortable, so stressed or anxious, we have to leave immediately. I still do it today, and I’m now in my 50’s, though it’s not as dangerous for me today as it was 50 years ago.
If this is something you did, and to a degree, still do, I have to ask, have you been assessed for autism? Do you feel so awful in crowds that you have to go home now? Do you see a group of people and want to avoid them at all cost? Do you hate socialising, going to pubs/bars/clubs?
Orion Kelly explains some of the dangers.
A is for Alien
This is one sensation that I think we can all attest too. For neurotypicals, it may come as imposter syndrome, you start a new job, something you have never done before, it takes quite some time to get into and learn to do well. Imposter Syndrome kicks in at first, making you feel like you’re out of your depth, you should have chosen a different profession, or worse yet, you don’t belong there. Eventually it goes and you settle in.
It’s that last one that we feel, only it never goes away, even among friends and family it’s still there and still pervasive. It never leaves, it may wane now and again, but it’s claws are in deeper than just our DNA. Personally no matter the situation, I feel like I don’t belong, like I was dropped off at the wrong planet. I’ve worked several jobs over the years, and a couple I actually managed to stay in for several years, but once that “alien” clears it’s throat and start to sing grand opera, it’s time to leave.
The absolutely worse scenario is the social situation. Instead of the usual familiar faces that you have spent time getting used too, now it’s it’s also their partners, maybe it’s other departments too, and there’s you, can’t do small talk, you don’t know anybody that you absolutely don’t have to to function at work, and now it’s the office party, and you already feel like an outsider. I’ve been there a few times, I show my face then leave.
Personally I think it’s the most horrible feeling in the world, feeling like you don’t belong… anywhere. Like the mothership captain thought this looks like a good place. But it’s not a good place.
Or maybe this is my hell. Everyone else is fake and here to torment me for all eternity.